david bowie's community event

28 mannequins wearing David Bowie’s clothes came to Berlin.  (ref http://www.davidbowie-berlin.de/en/)  they locked themselves in a museum exhibit.  I bought tickets.  I went as The Somewhat Thin Grey Duke.  (ref https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6456703744/h7F902F74/)  my coconspirator went as a red pixie, from what I could tell.  she got more attention.  

we got there with large sunglasses on.  it was packed and sweaty with baby boomers.  I saw a squat woman.  her 80’s flower pants swayed before the mannequin Ziggy.  her audio guide played the lovesong Starman.  she crooned with her lover, eyes tearfully shut.  I knew The Thin Duke dicked Jagger, but still – I had underestimated his reach.  

he wanted community.  young David felt like a lonely alien.  no one represents suburbia like a man who is sometimes a woman or a dog.  we aspire to Joyce, we actually understand Batman.  adolescent Bowie carried books he didn’t read, hoping others would see their titles.    

consider a comparative analysis opportunity: Bowie and Warhol struggled for years in marketing.  they learned early to work a job.  work you do for work.  you aren’t always rewarded.  contrast the teens who strike it rich early – the young genius who’s given a blank check.  they die before they get old.

video games and male physique

the men at work wield a pounding lust.  they burn their weekends sleepless with nothing to show on Monday but exhaustion.  they rush home from work for that long awaited plunge, as they slip another virgin video game into an old, used console.

working for a video game company has sunk me to the hips in wasted minds.  each game assures men there's a woman out there waiting, preferably for them to save, a woman with a six-pack.  the CGI hunks these guys embody date alien supermodels.  my company parties are amateur dentist hour, everyone wants to go in without Novocain.  by 11pm I'm wading through a 90% male company, all of which is now drunk enough to give me a shot.  some hints to give you a fighting chance in hell:

° having dexterous, muscular thumbs could impress a girl who hasn't noticed the rest of you.  most women into heavy thumbing will just find a girl for that, though.

° using your tongue to control a joystick could indeed make a god of you.  only then will the player be a player.  right now it's a strap-on sitting atop your lap, and you're spending the weekend jiggling it.

I wish you all the best for my own sake.  I want nothing less for my company than porn-levels of market penetration.

being for the benefit of Mr. Kite

the Beatles invented Soft Rock.  knowing what was Rock used to be simple – it’s what your parents don’t like.  sharing songs with your parents – that’s Folk music.  you can relax on the porch, or you can sneer like youth bent on rebellion.

the Beatles didn’t bring orchestras to pop music.  the previous generation loved their Glen Miller.  ballads with lush arrangements were as subversive as having an out-of-date suit.   

I don’t mind the Beatles loving big band.  I mind any suggestion that orchestral ballads being called Rock was subversive or unique.  

let’s say you’re what Allen Ginsberg called a ‘bubble-gum pop band.’  you can hire a sober man from the corporate record industry.  let’s call him ‘George.'  if you’re lucky he might produce Pet Sounds, Forever Changes, or Odyssey & Oracle.  if, sadly, your idea of songwriting is “Mr. Kite,” you’ll get Sergeant Pepper.

mainstream is always the last to admit it defines the mainstream.  the music magazines are run by pimply-faced adults and cigarettes.  if Rolling Stone and your parents wear jeans, buy yourself an out-of-date suit.

ink on sugar

I explained Prima Noctae to my English dinner date last night. otherwise all my recent decisions have been perfect. 

men in their late 20’s have turned the courting process into a third-date rule.  dating resembles strip poker.  

in my 30’s now, I know men who just want to gossip.  I really do.  after drinking until dawn they say, “thank you for your time.  see you at work Monday.”  nothing shocks like a man who’s over his ‘conquest’ phase.  there’s nothing left for that man.  he doesn’t trust joy, and he’s too nice to give a woman pain.

my best decision was to play less Pictionary.  everything looks like a penis this month.  I hate being the girl who keeps saying, “Penis!"

what a month in China does to a Westerner

• I am now pushing an old Chinese women back.  she still ignores that she is  pushing me, into a crowd which is not moving.

• spitting every two minutes is healthy?  the men especially coat the sidewalks.  a man spits in an airplane on the floor.

• why wouldn't there be a cockroach under a sink?  all sinks have roaches.  see also the bed.

• if you're warm and a man, pull your shirt up just atop your round belly.  leave it hanging in the breeze like a sweaty invitation.  then go about your business as usual.

• not since America have so many people been convinced their's is the greatest country in the world. the evidence is, "everyone else wants to come here. look, you're here."

• not since America have so many reassured themselves of their happiness by flying flags.

• cities of car horns bopping and booping without pause, no one turns to see why.  it's an alternative to a car stereo.

• while in nature, always yell when you reach the top.

• play music from your mobile phone to drown out the nature.

• never, ever adjust the volume of your voice in public.  you are a car horn.

overheard on the U7

the idea of being in shape in middle-America more-or-less means "able to breath." there's a lifestyle built around hobbling from bed to your car and back.

Miami is good for our image. I haven't been there, but every time I see Miami fotos it's not Berlin. explain why Germany sends all us expats to Berlin instead of the Harz mountains. we could greatly improve regional cultures by introducing hot sauce and mankinis.

I spend much of my free time hearing from Europeans that they hate American culture. Unfortunately, they're always talking about McDonald's and American Idol. I've yet to base my opinion of Germany on Allianz and Siemens. I would like someone to sit me down to tell me they're opposed to hot sauce and mankinis.